طرائف و نكت للمبرمجين فقط ،،

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم ..

Why computers are like men:

1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.

Why computers are like women:

1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

—-

When I was studying programming, one of my classmates was having serious troubles with his program. When he asked me for help, I leaned over his screen and saw all of his code in comments. The reason: “Well, it compiles much faster that way.”

—

I found this comment in some code I had to maintain:

/* This function is BOOL but actually returns TRUE,
FALSE and -2 because I’ve no time to change it
to int */

Didn’t it take more time to write the comment?

—-

When a computer professor asked his students to comment all their programs, he got remarks like:

• “This program is very nice.”
• “This program is very difficult.”
• “This program is very interesting.”

—-

In college, I worked as a teaching assistant for an introductory programming language. For most of the people in the class, this was probably their first and only programming class.

One day, I was doing program code reviews with a handful of students. This one girl gave me her code, and, after looking at it, I asked why she had repeated a certain line twice:

let x = 7;
let x = 7;

She said, “Just in case it didn’t get set right the first time.”

—–

There are three kinds of lies: Lies, damned lies, and benchmarks.

—-

“Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”
very long pause….
“Java.”

—-

There are only 10 kinds of people in this world: those who know binary and those who don’t.

—-

Two bytes meet.  The first byte asks, “Are you ill?”
The second byte replies, “No, just feeling a bit off.”

—-

Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better programmer.  This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest with God as the judge.  They set themselves before their computers and begin.  They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight.

Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity.  Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over.  He asks Satan to show his work.  Visibly upset, Satan cries and says, “I have nothing.  I lost it all when the power went out.”

“Very well,” says God, “let us see if Jesus has fared any better.”

Jesus presses a key, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers.

Satan is astonished.  He stutters, “B-b-but how?!  I lost everything, yet Jesus’ program is intact!  How did he do it?”

God chuckles, “Everybody knows… Jesus saves.”

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